The Business of Busyness

I am normally a busy person.
Most often when an acquaintance asks how I am doing, I start with the one word response, "Busy."

I was doing a little thinking today and took a look back over the last 10 or 12 years and usually, especially before I was married, I had a full plate. Like, no white-space, food touching full plate. Even though I would have a little breakdown every few months from over exhaustion and need just one day to do nothing and I'd just get up and be ready to start the race again the next day, I liked being busy. I enjoyed having things to do with my time-- it makes me feel useful and important. And a little stress is good for me and keeps me on task.

So why have I been thinking about being busy, you ask.

Because I am the LEAST busy and LEAST stressed I have EVER been in my life. Well, at least my teenage/college/adult life.

A few weeks ago I thought it was great! I don't have a full time job. I don't have to be anywhere at a certain time in the mornings (does not mean I get to sleep in, wink wink). My house is mostly clean all the time. I can hang out with friends.

But, the last two days especially, I have been BORED. I feel I'm not stressed enough and it's making me... energy-less. You know? It's like when you don't exercise for a while you start to lose energy and actually feel more drained. And because you're tired you don't want to exercise, so you don't and then you keep losing energy. I need my fix. Get my high off of busyness.

I am very much a goal oriented person, and if I don't have a good goal to be shooting for, then I lack motivation. I lose inspiration to do much. I guess I really just need to remember what my current goals are. Because I have them. Most of the little, immediate ones I'm meeting. But I feel like I need more.

I just get that high off of accomplishing something. That's why I love yard work. You see your accomplishments happening right before your eyes. THAT gives me motivation. And things like THAT inspire me.

You just have to be your own motivator when you're staying at home. I'm still adjusting to this Stay at  Home Mom thing. I love it, but now that Elynna doesn't need to be fed every two hours, I'm finding I have way more free time! I even started thinking today, Hmmmm, maybe I just need another baby to keep me busy ;) Yeah, have two kids and I will never be bored (Laugh out loud).

Here's the thing, I don't think I need to become ultra-busy again. I don't think that's the solution here. I know I need a little stress in my life, but I function much healthier in a lower stress environment. I'm looking for the balance. To have inspiration and motivation and perspiration to accomplish the things the Lord has for me. I need a reminder of the goals I do have and the people I can serve that are right in front of me. But I am starting to empathize with those moms who after being home with the kids for a few years or months, they go crazy and go get a job. At the end of the day today I was thinking, "It would be nice to have just an hour or so away from Elynna." Especially since she's been so clingy because she's teething today. Eek.

So, the balance I'm looking for? To still focus on being a Wife and Mother as my top priorities, but finding things to accomplish that keeps me busy and not overstresed. There. That sounds nice. :)

Thankfully, and so fortunately, I know my worth does not come from what I do, or if I'm being useful. I am a daughter of God and precious in his sight, fully loved and accepted by Him. "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy, He saved us..." (Titus 3:5)

I am His "workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God has prepared in advanced for [me] to do." (Eph. 2:10)

So, inspiration, here I come! Hopefully I can find it elsewhere than getting pregnant again.